Introductions – Me, the adoring public; The adoring public, me

And you should, too.

And you should, too.



This is my initial foray into “sports journalism” so bear with me. However, if Stephen A. Smith and the rest of ESPN’s merry band of “journalists” can fill Cyberspace with their inanity, why can’t I? I hope you find what I write somewhat informative, somewhat funny, and always awesome. Our esteemed site overseer, aka slumlord, Max says that life is not a wasteland and doesn’t suck. He is right, sort of, but that doesn’t mean that everything has to be puppies, rainbows, and ice cream with sprinkles.

I will start by saying that I love sports and have for longer than I remember. Heck, I learned to read from the backs of football cards. I love the Iowa Hawkeyes, the Los Angeles Dodgers, and Razor Shines. I love college football, pro baseball, and Tiger Woods. I love Tate to Holloway, Kirk Gibson’s home run, and LeBron James. I love Saturdays in Kinnick Stadium, NBA Live (PS1 version only please) and dubes. If you don’t know what a dube is, you will.

In addition to the above, another thing I love about sports is hate. In sports, it is OK to hate another uniform, color, or school for no other reason than they are who they are. I know your mom taught you hate is a bad word. But, if your mom were a true sports fan, she would have taught you that a good, clean hate makes the sports world go round.

I hate the Iowa State Cyclones, the San Francisco Giants, and sweater vests. I hate pre-game shows, post-game shows, and SportsCenter. I hate Duke basketball, Notre Dame football, and Duke basketball. I hate 99% of all announcers, 99.9% of all talking heads, and 100% of all Steve Alfords.

I would like to take a moment out of my first column to address a serious topic plaguing our nation: internet message boards. Why is everyone out there so angry? Why is everyone so violently upset that others have opinions that differ from theirs? Why is Steve from California writing in only capital letters because Bobby Jack from Tuscaloosa thinks Alabama would beat USC? It doesn’t make sense. I know I made a (very) brief list of things in sports that I hate but I am not going to spend my time haunting message boards and blasting every Giant or Cyclone fan who dares to speak. Everyone is entitled to their opinion – even if it is wrong. If you disagree with something I write, feel free to say so. But be respectful – and make sure you can use the caps lock key appropriately. Not because it’s the nice thing to do, but because I am smarter than you and will win any contest that involves facts or wit.

I will end this first post with a few more thoughts on what you will and won’t see from me in this blog. You won’t see predictions. Predictions aren’t worth the paper or computer screen on which they reside. Anyone who says they “know” what is going to happen is a liar. Sure, they can be fun to read but I won’t be doing them. What you will see are movie and TV show quotes, many attempts at humor, and statistics. I am going to make fun of many, many things – including myself – so please read this with a sense of humor. If you do not have one, either purchase one or kindly move along.

If you actually read this, you have my sincere thanks and my deepest pity. I’ll close with one final thing I hate – non-journalists writing “articles” for random blogs on the internet. Sad.

~ by Bristol on December 3, 2008.

4 Responses to “Introductions – Me, the adoring public; The adoring public, me”

  1. I wanted to take this time to challenge your intelligence and wit, but then I remembered I have seen them both on display in Trivial Pursuit and ESPN Sports Chanllenge and have wisely reconsidered.


  2. I’m sure glad Jimmy pointed out these articles for me. You’re now bookmarked on the Fatman’s computer. Woo Hoo!!!

    (can I swear on here?)


  3. I heart you, alwways have, always will…


  4. Oh yeah, loved the “hate 100% of all Steve Alfords” line.


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