MOVIE REVIEW: Twilight Breaking Dawn Part One

WRITTEN BY MAX

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part One

 Thursday night I went to the theatre to pick up tickets for Twilight, after I told my girlfriend and her sister I would get their tickets. There were four people camped out front of the theatre in tents.  This was about 7 PM.  Then, when we decided all four of us would go, (husband and I) I went to get two more tickets.  This was about ten PM, and there was a line clear around the building (see photo above).  It was two hours before the film opened.  People love these Twilight movies.  I’ve been to several midnight premiers, but I have never seen anything like last Thursday. 

 

I first need to say that I read all of the Twilight books.   I enjoyed them all to varying degrees.  I know a lot of people think poorly of the series, and I’ll agree on most points.  Yes, they are written at a juvenile level.  Yes, you have to suspend disbelief to believe half of what goes on.  But considering one of my favorite movies is about a boy who can move things with his mind and then fights a man in a black helmet who can think people to death while his friends fly through space and blow up a machine built to destroy planets, I think we can cut the premise some slack and just focus on the movie itself.

 

Warning, there are some spoilers so if you haven’t read the books or the movies and don’t want to know what happened, don’t read any further.

 

Break Dawn, the fourth installment of the popular Twilight series, brings us to the joining of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen in holy matrimony.  In the book, the big scenes are the wedding and then eventually deflowering of Bella at the hands of a super strong vampire.  Then she gets preggers, and the baby is some sort of a hybrid between a human and a vampire. 

 

For the first half hour, this movie was the worst of the worst chick flicks.  I actually felt myself start to grow girl parts.  For their rolls, the actors and actresses did a fair job of trying to convince the audience of the romance of it all.  Unlike the first three movies, which had a fair amount of action in them, Breaking Dawn is more of a true chick flick, with lots of dialogue and scenery.  The fighting and vampire-ing is few and far between. 

 

Perhaps my favorite scene in the movie occurs at the end, when they actually turn Bella into a vampire.  The director did a great job here building tension, and actually, they did an okay job making it as gross as the ratings would allow it.  I mean, let’s be honest, two people who know nothing about medicine are cutting a woman open who has a hybrid being trying to break it’s way out of her womb.  Not exactly the easiest scene to film when the majority of your audience is teenage girls and their mothers – in other words – keep that rating under R to get more money.

 

I mentioned above that I enjoyed them all to varying degrees, and by that I mean the books were quick reads about something I enjoy (vampire stories).  I am a big fan of movies like Underworld, Blade, and even The Vampire’s Assistant.  Having read the Twilight books, I had certain expectations coming into the movie that were not met.  Most of this is because while the directors will say they split it into two parts so they could do the themes of the story justice, in the end it is a money grab, and while that is smart, it still sort of upsets me, because from my standpoint, this movie was way worse than the others and suffered for being split.  And the contributing scene to that feeling is when Jacob leaves the pack.

 

For those of you who have never seen one of these movies, Jacob Black is a werewolf, but not in the typical sense like a guy who got bitten, but in the Indian sense, as in, Jacob is an Indian who has magical powers and can turn into a giant wolf that eats vampires.  Wow.  This book is fucked up isn’t it?

The longest line I have ever seen at a theatre. It wrapped all around the building.

 

 

So anyway, Jacob finds out that Bella is knockers, and the rest of his pack (he isn’t the only Indian who can change into a giant vampire eating wolf) thinks it is time to kill all the vampires and the baby whatever because if it kills or changes Bella, who is a human, that voids the treaty the vampires and the wolves have.  Wow, this is convoluted.

 

So anyway, back to the worst scene in cinematic history.  Jacob howls into the daylight in wolf form and meets the rest of his pack in a logging base camp.  There, they read each other’s minds (did I mention the wolves share a consciousness?) and they all find out it’s time to kill the vampires, as mentioned earlier.  But the execution of this scene is just, well, terrible.  They cut back and forth between CGI wolves snarling with voice over, and the scene ends with Jacob overcoming the current Alpha of the pack and starting his own pack. 

I cannot stress how over-the-top lame this scene is.  It’s so lame that I dwelled on it for the rest of the night.  My girlfriend leaned over during the scene and whispers “Man, that’s lame.”  Other people were snickering and doing the same thing.  It’s bad.

 

So what does it mean for the movie?  I think the direction it is going is very similar to the way I felt about the last book.  The first half of it was all about getting in touch with your inner vagina, what with the wedding and the trip to Bang Town on the honeymoon, and it took me about four days to read that part.  The second half is all about wolves and vampires coming together to protect the younger generation from the oppressive old vampires from Italy who have money and power. I read this part in about one day, because it is much more exciting. 

 

Overall, I give this movie a pretty low grade.  Matter of fact, I’m compelled to give it only one Andy Dufresne, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt that the second installment of the book will be WAY more enjoyable.  Two ADs, and I would implore the directors to do a better job.  You have some of the most ridiculous content ever written to work with.  Don’t piss it away.

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~ by maxaverage on November 19, 2011.

One Response to “MOVIE REVIEW: Twilight Breaking Dawn Part One”

  1. Fans of a pop film series can be very forgiving, and the producers of ‘ The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 ‘ should be thankful that no matter how awful first movie is.

    Like

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