Celebrity Horse Apples: The Television Slut

WRITTEN BY MAX

Last night my sister-in-law posted on Facebook about the Teen Mom from Council Bluffs.  I believe that one is Farrah.  I don’t know, because I don’t watch that drivel.

But it got me thinking.  Everyone wants to rag on Farrah and her teen mom cohorts, or as I like to call them, Television Sluts, or TVS for short.  But isn’t this the embodiment of the American Dream?

I say, if I had a half-witted daughter with a ridiculous body and a simple mind, I think I would put her out to pasture as quick as a wink.  I’d get her knocked

Television Slut in her natural habitat. Eager, majestic, always diligent and on the prowl.

up so fast your head would explode.  Why?  Because there is profit to be made in stupidity.

Step One:  Get Television Slut impregnated.
Step Two: Exploit both daughter and daughter’s kid and parlay their First World Problems (FWP) into multiple reality gigs.
Step Three: Set aside money for new titties once she starts to fade in the limelight
Step Four: ????
Step Five: Profit

See, it’s easy.  And it’s easy to see why these girls and their dipshit boyfriends want to be a part of the reality machine.  It’s the easiest way there is to make money – exploit your own stupidity for the enjoyment/ire of others.  And it works.  Look at Snookie.  That froggy little shit has written a book and whored herself out to multiple events as ‘talent’, and people are willing to pay her out the ass for it.  Even that Ultimate Retard The Situation made 5 MILLION dollars in one year, and that guy can’t even chew gum and walk at the same time.  Talk about falling ass-backwards into a pile of money!  And that Dumb & Stupid Bastard is broke now, according to many reports.  Who cares, he says.  He’ll just go out and make another 5 million hosting parties, and spinning his bullshit into more MTV shows.

MTV loves this type of crap, too, because its cheap to produce and people watch it.  People get sucked into these fantasy lives that these assholes lead, and that means more sponsors.  Hell, I love these shows.  They license music from my band all the time.  I am all for it.  I chose not to watch it.  Therefore it can’t upset me and my Midwestern, moderate sensibilities.

There is one thing that makes me mad, though, and it’s when the attention whores get pissed off that someone wants their picture.  I’m sorry, Television Slut, but you can’t exploit your children and marriage, or your dead parents’ fortune, or your shark bite, dwarfism, gigantism,  vigilantism, STD, you ability to catch eels, or to fuck on camera for money, and then get upset when the enamored public wants their slice of your life.  That’s part of it, and if you think you can bring your fantasy of irresponsibility public without paying the price of being (in)famous, well, you are sorely mistaken.

So I say, good for you, Whore Moms and King Dipshits of the world.  If I could lower my standards, I’d be right there with you, making papers and breaking hearts.  But just remember that there is a price for all of this cock and bull, and the price for opening up your lives like a rotting corpse is that eventually, someone is going to smell it.

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~ by maxaverage on December 8, 2011.

2 Responses to “Celebrity Horse Apples: The Television Slut”

  1. Strong.

    Like

  2. Lolol

    Like

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