Let’s Go To The Old Mill Anyway, Get Some Cider!

WRITTEN BY MAX

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

I was reading about Mel Gibson today and all I could think about was the time I was working construction between my Freshman and Sophomore years of college.  I hate construction.  I should never be allowed to wield a hammer.  I nearly always hit myself or someone else with it.  First day on my current job I broke a guy’s hand with a mal-placed sledge swing.  One day it rained, which was the greatest day of all because I knew that even if I offered to sweep up or something they would send me home.  I took off but like a big dummy I forgot something back at the yard, like my wallet maybe.  I can’t remember.  I just remember on my way back, I was driving east on Chatburn Avenue in Harlan, Iowa (see pic above).  I was in the left lane and a guy with a boat on a trailer was right in front of me in the right lane.  Right before this Burger King on the left, Mr. Boat decides he has to have a Whopper, Junior.  He cuts right in front of me.

It was the first time it had rained in almost two weeks.  I was only going about 25 mph, but when I slammed on the brakes, they locked up.  I had time to look to the right and consider swinging out into traffic, but there was a straight truck coming up behind me at about 45 mph and if I swung over he would have joined me in the front seat.  So, I locked them up and rear ended a boat.  When I actually hit the boat, I was barely moving.  The only damage to my LeSabre was that the rudder punched a small hole through my decorative grill.  The boat, however, climbed up over the tailgate of the truck and hung out in the bed, kissing the rear window.

I did everything in my power to avoid hitting the guy who cut in front of me.  But I can never fully shake the feeling that maybe I should have just gunned it that day, parked my car in the bed of his truck and pushed the boat up his ass and out into traffic, then told him to buy me a Whopper, Junior.  What would have been the difference?  I know the guy who rear ends is always at fault, but his boat was nearly even with the front of my car when he pulled over and slammed on his brakes to make the corner into Burger King.  The deductible was the same.  As it turned out later, I found out he also tried to blame some preexisting issues on our little rendezvous.

So where does that leave a situation like that?  What makes a guy sleep better at night?  If the ship is going down, should you stand there stoically and hold on to the flag while she sinks or should you grab your guns and take some of them with you?  The only answer to that question is hidden in time.  Look at our friend Mel.  This guy’s track record of late stinks so bad it could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.  He’s a racist.  He’s a sexist.  He’s a bigot.  He’s getting old and he looks like a drunk uncle.  But he does it with flair.  Everything that comes out of his mouth is an internet sensation.  But he keeps apologizing.  This is where he either slams on the brakes or decides to punch it.  Because at this point, everyone knows what he is.  He’s a rich piece of shit who thinks horrible things and uses his money to buy his way and beg his way out of getting into any trouble.  But he may as well own it.  Every time he says he’s sorry, he says 15 more things that prove just how unsorry he is.

I think the point I’m trying to get at is that sometimes something sounds like and seems like a good idea at the time but then it just disintegrates into a shit show, and maybe sometimes we should ride the storm out a little more instead of trading in our pants.  Understand, I’m not condoning what Gibson is doing.  But it’s like in the movie Fight Club, when they say “You can never truly know yourself until you’ve been in a fight.”  Maybe traveling all the way to the bottom would give a lot of people a lot better perspective on themselves, and open up some new possibilities.   The fight doesn’t have to be fisticuffs.  But as a society we could all do with a little more rash boldness and a little less kowtowing.  You know, don’t bite the hand that feeds you, but every once in awhile give it a nibble.

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~ by maxaverage on April 19, 2012.

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