The Den: Stuff Recently Found


He’s an asshole!

I threw away a bunch of old shit this weekend and in my cleaning, discovered a lot of poetry I wrote about eight years ago that I forgot existed.  I am going to post it all after the jump for you to check out.  I was doing extensive travel at this time, and I spent a lot of time measuring gas levels in water wells and visiting Wal-Marts.  I believe this is apparent in my writing.  Enjoy.  Or piss off.  As always, you have to click the jump to read my junk.  I won’t subject anyone to unwanted poetry.

You should be warned, there’s like ten of them.

A Look of Death

It’s a good thing for you you didn’t see the look I gave you
you probably would have died
It would have been like in the movies
A grisly scene
With the chief asking what happened
And the Lt. saying “It’s bad chief. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen.”

Whence You Came

Whence you came upon me I was in a shell
I made you laugh by being myself
You broke me out
You lead me from heaven and helped me to hell
And I’ve never been happier
No I’ve never felt so in tune
This late after June
Nigh onto winter I’m already bitter
But this time it’s not at you
I’m living vicariously through you
I’ll give you a picture to keep
You always remembering me whence you left


I bet it’s nuts are huge
But I hear horse nuts have more iron
I wonder if this false idol
Will stand idle for long
Or if it will beef up the troops before they are gone
To send them off to a foreign market
To be slaughtered like the beef that made them beefy

Feel It

Feel it
Feel the chords cut in the skin
Feel the digging in
I’m digging in
I’ll show you how sharp I can be
Loving you through hurting teeth
I can’t stand your bleeding cheeks
Feel the chords cutting deep

Anyplace, Or, Time In A Familiar Place

When I walk through the auto doors
I don’t know where I am anymore
Everything on the inside is the same so I can walk out in a different time
In a different place under a yet to be remembered sky
The minutes elapse as my egos collapse
Each day I get a little closer
To trading in my will
You know it’s not so easy
Travelling the world between automatic doors and the same faces on different bodies
But the location is the same for all of the potties
And when I walk out the doors I am anywhere
I am anyplace
I am anytime

It’s Luck

I jumped up
And lost my balance
And spilled your cup
And I don’t think it’s talent
That I got you to love me
It’s luck
It’s luck
It’s luck forever repeating
It’s luck
My goodness, you smell just like Jack Palance

That one is great because Jack Palance did a bunch of commercials for Brut, but he’s also dead, so do you smell like a man or do you smell like a corpse? I guess we’ll never know!?

Snot Faced Kid

Hey there dirt ball snot faced kid
Why do you think you can start on top
You gotta work your way up
You gotta work your way up
The ladder

Hey there dirty snot nosed kid
You are still green behind those ears
You gotta work your way up
You gotta work your way up
The ladder

Don’t you know there’s a lot of rungs between here and the top?

Sweaty Tea

I just want a pillow and a big glass of tea
With enough ice to make it sweat on the outside of the glass
Unsweetened and unlemoned
In a nice breezy comfortable room with the food channel on
And I could feed her chocolates
And she would feed me grapes while the Naked Chef would make a fancy dessert
And I drink my sweaty tea in the cool breeze of a July afternoon

Talk Show Blues

Tune in next week
When we give the devil his due
Tune in next week
We may think of something new
Never ceasing to appall you
Transvestites marching two by two

Is you big breasted teen obsessed with sex?
Is your closet gay husband obsessed with certain pets?
Do you have a problem with your relatives?
Don’t you know that relatives are relative?

If you used to be fat but now you’re a thin
Did you’re brother od on vitamins?
Like Flintstone or centrum silver
Metamucil? Chocolate chip addiction?
Throw a punch at your mother
You can profit from bitching
Talk to the hand, you don’t know me.

You ain’t know me

Father?  Not the father? Mother? Not the mother?
Even worse shit than you can imagine is yet to come
Tune in tomorrow, we interview bums!

The Road

Winners win and losers lose
I can’t win away from you
I pass the day with thoughts forgotten
Can’t remember what I was going to say
When all the scenery seems the same

Livers live and the dead are dead
Thoughts flow freely from my head
I’ll never see where they go
Above the highways they will float
Someone else will take them home
To share with anew, they aren’t alone

Runners run and sitters sit
I roam about to get my tips
The farther I travel the younger I get
The older I feel the more that I go
I just can’t wait to hold you at home
A one way pass into your bed
A kiss from you and a place for my head
A break from reality before I do it again

The Sword In The Stone

Show me the secret
Show me the truth
Show the sword in the stone
There must be some trick
To making it quick
I know I’m destined for greatness
But I really don’t think I can do it all alone


Well, that’s about it.

~ by maxaverage on June 5, 2012.

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